


Untitled: Merasmus X Soldier

by REDPyro



Category: Team Fortress 2
Genre: DISGUstihng sin im sorry i posted, I wrote this ages ago, M/M, Magic Missiles, Satire, i wrote this like 2 years ago btw, kinda smut, was planning to continue this, why the fuck did I write this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-02
Updated: 2015-07-02
Packaged: 2018-04-07 07:47:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4255158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/REDPyro/pseuds/REDPyro
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Merasmus has a big, fat crush on Soldier. Stuff happens.<br/>I have no idea why the hell I wrote this lol i'm so sorry</p>
            </blockquote>





	Untitled: Merasmus X Soldier

“M-Merasmus...” Soldier muttered.  
“I-I think I love you…”  
A blush crept across Merasmus’ face and he stuttered.  
“R-Really? I uh… W-Wow…”  
Soldier leant in closer to Merasmus, wrapping his arms gently around his hips.  
Merasmus let out a surprised breath of air as Soldier gently pressed his lips against his.  
Merasmus tensed and then began to relax, pressing his body against Soldier’s and kissing him back. He unintentionally let out a moan. Soldier began to kiss him even harder and Merasmus gently placed his arms around the mercenary’s shoulders.  
Ending the kiss, Soldier pressed his lips against the other man’s ear.  
“I love you, Merasmus.”  
Soldier clasped Merasmus’ hand and pulled him towards his bedroom.  
“Wait.. S-Soldier, what are you-“  
Soldier dragged him through the doorway.  
“S-Soldier?”  
“Merasmus.”  
“H-Huh?”  
“I want you, Merasmus.”  
Merasmus’ blush grew and his cheeks felt as if they were almost on fire.  
“I-Oh.” Merasmus was cut off as Soldier pressed his lips against his once more and he let out an involuntary moan.  
Soldier’s hands gripped his shoulders and then wandered down past his hips and settled on his buttocks. Merasmus became aware of a gradual swelling in his pants which strengthened his blush even further. Soldier pulled away from the kiss and gently lifted the ram skull from his head, placing it on the bedside table. He did the same with his own helmet before placing his hands back on Merasmus’ ass and pulling him against him. Once again he pressed his mouth to the Magician’s. Merasmus kissed back with equal fervor and they began to kiss harder and harder. Soldier’s tongue slipped into Merasmus’ mouth and Merasmus gasped slightly before kissing him back even harder.  
Pressing their bodies together, Merasmus gasped once more as he felt Soldier’s own hardened erection against his. Soldier grasped his ass tightly before falling onto the bed, pulling Merasmus down with him.  
“Oh, S-Soldier...” Merasmus breathed out before the other silenced him by pushing him onto his back and straddling him.  
Merasmus moaned slightly.  
Soldier sat up, tearing his own shirt off before leaning down and kissing Merasmus while he pulled the Magician’s arms out of his robe’s sleeves.  
“Mmm… Ohh, Soldier.” Merasmus moaned into Soldier’s mouth.  
“You’re going to be moaning louder than that in a couple minute’s time.” Soldier muttered back to him.  
Merasmus grasped Soldier’s shoulders, pulling him down against him, before resting his face into the base of Soldier’s neck, nibbling and biting the skin gently. Much to Merasmus’ dismay Soldier sat up, only to pull off his pants and begin stripping Merasmus of his robes.  
Soldier could see the obvious erection pressing against Merasmus’ green boxer shorts and a smirk grew on his face as he looked the older man up and down. Merasmus’ face was bright red and Soldier noticed the lust in his eyes. Once again he straddled the wizard, grinding his erect crotch against his. Merasmus let out a moan. 

 

 

“MERASMUS!”  
Merasmus woke with a start, sitting up in bed. His sleeping robes were soaked with sweat and an uncomfortable tightening in his pants made him groan out of frustration. He shouldn’t have been having these kinds of dreams about his roommate.  
At least he didn’t enjoy it. He did not enjoy it at all. One bit. He did not crave Soldier’s lips against his, despite how soft they had felt in his dream…-  
“MERAAAASMUUUUUS! GET UP NOW, MAGGOT! IT IS AN EMERGENCY!”  
Merasmus let out another frustrated groan. Rolling out of bed, he stumbled to his feet and walked across the cold stone floor to the door of his room. He sighed and then opened the door as the frantic knocking began to start. Soldier, upon realizing the door was open, paused. Merasmus glared at his roommate, who despite the time, was still in his day clothes.  
“What is it, Soldier? I’m trying to sleep.”  
“Lieutenant Bites has eaten all of the sour cream in the refrigerator! We need to go get more NOW!”  
“Why can’t you just go yourse-Oh.” Merasmus recalled the event last year that had caused Soldier to lose his driver’s license.  
“The raccoons are HUNGRY! We have to go get more sour cream RIGHT THIS INSTANT!”  
Merasmus, not having the energy to deal with his roommate’s loud complaints and shouting, and knowing there was nothing that could persuade Soldier to give up on his quest and go to bed, muttered out a “Fine. Let me go get dressed. We’ll go to the Generi-Mart. It’s open 24 hours. I’m waiting in the car, though.”  
Before backing away from the door and closing it shut in his roommate’s face, he added “If you take more than two minutes in the supermarket you will have to incur the wrath of the Ancient Wizards of Old!”  
Merasmus sighed and leaned against the door, closing his eyes. He wanted nothing more than to go to bed but he knew that wasn’t possible. Soldier would continue yelling at him until he gave in, so the only possible solution was to hurry up and fix whatever problem he had caused or fulfill his wish of obtaining more sour cream for the raccoons that populated his home (No thanks to Soldier).  
He stood up again and stumbled over to his dresser, grabbing his day-robes that he hadn’t bothered to put away the night before. He slipped them on and then placed the ram skull he usually wore on top of his head.  
Muttering under his breath, he stumbled out the door where Soldier was waiting patiently, clutching a raccoon to his chest.  
“No, Soldier, you cannot take Lieutenant Bites with you.” Merasmus growled impatiently.


End file.
